David Smith and Susan Smith in 1994.
Columbia, SC (WLTX) -- Ex-husband of Susan Smith, David Smith, says in the 16 years since his ex-wife murdered their two young sons, he has faced internal battles, contemplating suicide, forgiveness and whether to speak to Susan Smith again.
"A lot of long, dark nights I've been through since this happened," he said. "She came close to killing me, through suicide."
Susan Smith murdered the couple's two young boys in 1994 in Union, rolling her car into John D. Long Lake.
David Smith says he spoke to Susan Smith for one hour, one month after her arrest. When asked if he will ever speak to her again, he is thoughtful.
"You know, I must have ran that through my mind a thousand times through the years. Sometimes I feel like I want to talk to her because I want to tell her how much pain she's caused me. How much hurt she's brought to me. How much pain and hurts she's brought to all my family. All her family," he said. "I just want to tell her how much suffering she's cause so many people, but then, the other side of me says I really don't think she cares."
David Smith is also cautious of shining the spotlight on Susan again. He says he does not want her to have the satisfaction of knowing people still care.
"I probably will never talk to her," he said.
However, David Smith claims he has forgiven Susan Smith. He believes that without forgiveness, she would still control his life.
"I don't think anybody wants to hear from Susan."
When he visited Susan Smith in jail, he says she apologized and he asked her why she murdered their children. "The only comment she told me was, she didn't know why. And yes, she did tell me she was sorry, but I don't think it was as sincere or heartfelt as I would have been if it had been me. I would have been around her ankles, begging her to forgive me."
Tuesday, he spoke for the first time to a large group of law enforcement officers regarding how they can communicate with parents of missing and murdered children. He urged them not to be afraid of asking tough questions.
Smith says while he was being questioned, he was concerned that the officers were speaking to him instead of looking for his children, but understood they were doing their jobs.
"I think they did a very good job, I didn't have any, you know, reservations through the years that they didn't do the best they could," he said.